Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize