it's not cheating when I paid for it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
