my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
