Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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