You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
