May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
