Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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