I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
