i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
