the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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