I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
