Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
