just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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