She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
