there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
