Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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