you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
