its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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