Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
