If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
