we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
