before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My penis needs a shock collar
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
