so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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