He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
