I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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