Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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