So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
