Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How does it feel to date your dad?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
