someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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