merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My dick has a subreddit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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