Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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