guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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