Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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