I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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