The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
COCAINE IS GR8
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