Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
