Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
