Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
