I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
