well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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