I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who died my cat blue again?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
