using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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