And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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