Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I did not marry a roomba.
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