I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
