Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
