Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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