READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
