my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
