Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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