how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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