its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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