I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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