I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
