how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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