I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize