Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
