I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was confusing and full of hummus
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
