if only i could text you this smell
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
