We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
