I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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