S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
