I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
