people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
