There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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