Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
