You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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