The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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