Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
try to milk me bitch
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