You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
