dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
