Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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