i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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