Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
