Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
