I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
