Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
