i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
