sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
