Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
